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said this random advertisment on hair removal. While this tagline is nicer-sounding, the reality is Hair Removal Treatment is actually HIDING YOUR OUTER MAN — that makes more sense if you think about it.
***
These days I feel like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Grouchy and grumpy. Not emo. Not even particularly pissed at anything. Just feel like snapping at every moron (or even not-so-moron) i see. If there were a cat in the way, I would kick it. At other times (i.e. now) i know I won’t do such things.
These days where I feel like spending time by myself, not wanting to have anything to do with my family or give a damn about anyone. I can’t quite understand why this is the case this year. Has there been any changes from last year in terms of my everyday life? I wonder. A research question!
There doesn’t seem to be any particular reason and it is only on some days. No it is not accompanied by bleeding -_-
***
It’s Lent. While I’m not catholic, I haven’t touched vitasoy for about two weeks — by coincidence. (I don’t belivee in mindless rituals if your heart/intent isn’t there) Soon it will do something to me.
- Score some orphenadrine from my jurong clinic as a Refill at $2 otherwise I’m going to try the polyclinic on one of the days I happen to need to take the day off school to rest.
- Score more codeine from the hopsital for $5 for 60 pills. Hopefully available at polyclinics as well.
- Score some valerian herbs which has a “Do not drive or operate machinery” warning in treating insomnia
- Hope that there is DFS soco on the route to Bintan and back that my coho can get me.
- Claim my cheap CAS soon to fill the entire token 20 hours i need this year
- Work-wise, I have the perpetual bugger of bioprac everyweek. 8 more to go! I’d rather do another EE.
- TOKEE has been at the back of the list but I would need to create a second draft soon for both, cut a thousand words and footnote. And because I’m very mature I should stop avoiding people for entire two weeks just to avoid discussing work.
- Collect my four digits worth of refund. VERY IMPORTANT. especially when I don’t trust the bureacracy
All the cheap things I need to obtain soon.
- I’m in school.
- Normal interaction with people etc. Normal time at the corridor or benches. Perhaps some entertaining sights.
- I receive coffee from a teacher (i can’t rmb which, but i think i have a suspicion) in a plastic cup and ask if it was poisonous (this mirrors events earlier in the day somehow)
- I could taste the coffee.
- I obtain a big-ass history book. (also mirroring the events of the day).
- The text makes no sense.
- I realise its a dream.
- So I wake up.
- I’m in my room.
- I am on the phone hearing the voice of *someone* taunting me not to leave a certain something -_- (mirroring my thoughts of the past few weeks, or maybe months)
- I spill water on my shoes.
- I realise I’m wearing shoes.
- Why the hell am I wearing shoes in my room?
- I realise its a dream.
- In a dramatic fashion, the water floods the room, i get to the top and wake up.
I usually can’t rmb a thing when I wake up but THIS is what happens when you wake up at 1 and fall back asleep at 4. I theorize that dreams are most vivid after waking up and going back in a semi-hazy state. As can be seen, much of it involves fragments of memories of the day with a large shade of realism. What is scarier is the dream within a dream — never knew such things could happen.
How the hell do I know what is real? A philosophical problem.
Wednesday, hrm, was in a good mood from the start to the end of the day somehow.
My premise is that I (as well as a few others, or rather one other i respect) am more brilliant than some people who got selected. I say this with all honesty and humility from an objective point of view.
Question is why didn’t we get selected? This is a question which the organizers have somehow tried to evade and was silent about while responding to every other email. Even stranger that the two student leaders recommended us two but we still didn’t get it.
Possible theories:
1. I am asian. Possible, since the korean girl didn’t get it either. But untrue since the guy got it.
2. I was anti social as a reaction to all the distasteful politicking and general dislike for crowd following. True for me, but not him. Not to mention i was quite interactive when the vjc people were around.
3. School politics – the leader is now from my school (since that was the only meritocratic/democratic process via voting), the people further in power needs to show him who is boss and oppose him. Not entirely true either since the other leader is frm their school and was opposed as well.
4. School politics (its a broad label, but i refer to something else) – preventing too much control from one school lest we move things in our interest. Perhaps Inter-Institution relations as well to give all their kids a chance, but I don’t really think that the people in power give a damn what other institutions think.
Reason 4 imho is the most plausible and of course doesn’t serve as a reason which others hear — because it protects self-interest (which is the most important to any one) while not in the interest of the organising.
“There is a reason for everything. Either reasons we admit or reasons we don’t admit.” Impossible that there is simply no reason.
While I did object to being involved in the politicking, I did believe that sheer skill would get me through. Lesson of life: Evidently not. But based on this theory (and my theory of inevitability), at least the outcome wouldn’t have changed regardless of my actions and I didn’t unnecessarily degrade myself into being a political animal — which I refuse to be again.
Lucky for me, I was not too keen to begin with and I actually have better things to do with three days of my time. My original intention was to score some cas hours out of this to fill my random token 20 hours this year. Looks like the selection already fulfilled this thus making the three days redundant in that sense.
I am somehow tempted to go just to unleash and mess with the incompetent. But I’d rather do something else with three days of my time.
Am I bitter? Nope, not at all. Just mentally restless, for my own amusement.
I usually wouldn’t go all the way till Orchard since its overcrowded and travelling is such a pain. However I met random people out of random coincidences. Evidently, this is a hotspot on saturdays.
1. My junior and his girlfriend (not saying which one, but not hard to guess) I happen to think that his girlfriend looks like him quite a bit, in other words like a younger sis. Projected Incest wth. (A few more years and you’ll look like a Phile) Incidentally, someone who i used to be linked to training-wise was there being a lamp post -_-
2. Two women teacher’s from my school. On such a day? No further comments. Draw your own inferences. (didn’t help that I was in school uniform)
3. The former ink chief editor who does not have conscription due to his american citizenship. And unfortunately busted my lie when he said he was travelling to Lakeside for church. Surprise, I thought no one would go that far (to a semi industrial area)
I was, of course, by myself during this period of time.
Not often I divulge my whereabouts, but anyway. i went out and did stuff with someone whom i used to -
And I was in general quite accepting when people stop talking eventually. (I’d pin most of the blame on myself of course)
Does this change my world view that everything is only For Now and temporal and will eventually fade away, that in some sense, our friends are , for lack of a better word, replacable (and they have been, seeing how all our friends have changed over the years)?
Of course not — one isolated example isn’t going to change my view, but it does show that exceptions can happen…
Not that i WANT to be miserable or something — i’d actually prefer if things were ideal and unchanging, its just a realistic and non-idealistic expectation and it doesn’t change how i value people even if I believe everything is in the short term.
I most certainly would not manipulate people I care about for selfish objectives (if there are even any, hrm as for people i -don’t- care about…)
Then again, i know there probably will be some, or a few, who wouldn’t just fade away (or at least i wouldn’t want it to at all)
It was fun anyway.
Such is the nature of Life — with greed driven people trying to get ahead of everyone and win the competition. With 24 people and 12 places, everyone is self-advertising shamelessly and trying to do all they can to stand out. This i have a distaste of. I hate competition; much less having to promote pimp myself like all the other hos! I simply refuse to show that I’m showing off and decided to kept my mind-blowing credentials to myself.
Problem is: those who are aggressive in the politicking get ahead, those who don’t probably won’t. In other words, my chances are somewhat lower.
One wonders if it is enough to display how intellectually brilliant i am. First, I had to deal with the Americans and NOW, the french. Both times a jew gets in my way. The first time because she was hot, the second time because she was stereotypical (physically and behaviour) and not so hot
I *could* devise a set of manipulative tactics at the expense of others, but I refuse to use them either. My Ninja Arts are RESERVED for making my life easier through Idle Pursuits and not for greedy pursuits. I simply refuse to. Doing so degrades my status as a Superior Contemplative Being (called the Idler) to a politician sleazy conman.
I blame this on whatever I have done in the past — while I cannot remember exactly, I still somewhat regret. If I could do things again, I would not have.
Nevermind, I have a track record of being an undeserving ho. Plus I have contingency plans to fall back on which make me better off than anyone else should they/we fail.
Every PC seems to be very dry and criticism worthy — this time it was a planning exercise for Life and Academics.
Here is why I do not support goal setting, contrary to all the Positive thinking people who pin successes on having plans
1. Plans should not change your effort: Whether I aim for a 7 or 5 for a subject, it isn’t going to make me work harder. Regardless of whether I have a goal or not, the amount of work I’ll put in will be the same.
2. Goal setting is in fact counter-productivity in two areas.
(i) Compromises: if you aim 7 for History and 5 for some other yucky subject like Literature, you’ll divert your time from the lower-aim to the higher aim, thus creating a self fulfilling prophecy.
(ii) Stress: nothing is more important than functioning under a stress free condition. Goals create stress which then hinder productivity (and its bad for health!)
3. Life planning (especially the ten years later kind) is not realistic — because of the changes in circumstances and beliefs. It will in fact narrow your options too early when you don’t have enough information. i.e. some people might want to be a lawyer, but might hate it when the reading is dry and the work hours are 9 to midnight.
4. Short term over long term — for the sake of fulfilling your long term goals, you forget to live in the short term, when the long term might not even arrive.
5. The more you want, the more unhappy you will be. If you have no goals, you can’t possibly miss them!
Some more inner thoughts: God will take care of me when he said “worry not about tomorrow”, and he will give me more than I can expect, for time and chance happens to them all. Doesn’t matter how hard you plan if the circumstances and universe conspires against you and it rains on the day you want a picnic.
Okay, whatever here are some of the things that I want to do anyway (apart from the obvious dowellgogooduniandgetscholarship goal that ALL students have):
a. get a 9 to 5 job next year (if you know what i mean) My leg isn’t an affliction, its a Gift!
b. do bate coaching next year. Shouldn’t be hard (despite the fact that this year i’d rather –)
c. maybe i can give tuition as well to supplement income and keep my brain alive.
more fluffy goals
d. find a system flaw at work such that I can skive. (i have some plans already)
e. get just enough to not feel a pinch when eating desserts and having drinks
f. marry a rich girl (JOKING)
This is just a quick reminder to self – to secure my pathway to escaping FULLY WITH MY LOOT within the span of a week.Upon further thought, i have even more plans to meddle within this time frame! It is getting hard to micromanage everything.
Caveat: while the timeframe is awfully and coincidentally right before valentine’s day, there is no link whatsoever. I do not celebrate festivities ><
I’d put fur on my arms to get this through, and as always I ask for divine help ><
If you (sanctimonious stuckup person!) have a problem with me praying for help to get things done in a slightly unconventional method, the alternative is to have me get things done in an unconventional method without prayer.
I think the former is preferable.
“Spirits! of Productivity! Pour forth your waters, I summon your strength!!”
According to track record, very useful for keeping me (or at least my mind) awake and getting essays done/topics invented/work done.
Not for math though, I learnt. 2 becomes 4, out of nowhere a random equation pops out, i use equations from the PREVIOUS question, numbers disappear, 2+3=8. Yet, my formulas are still correct. Then again I can make those mistakes on a normal day/exam day, just not to this extent >< Wa lau, this is like driving.
And I keep thinking about getting a soco in my room. The one (of the two) thing on my mind lately.
Eh I don’t care, for this angeldemon thing in class right — I’m getting a bit lazy to do this social/sentimental nonsense.
1. My demon is not going to get a note from me directly at the back of class. It will end up in the school-bag directly, Mystery Stalker style (aka shady dubious character style). Check your bag if your envelope is empty – and the dubious corners/in between pages too, your problem if you can’t find it! Also showing my perfect disregard for right to privacy. After all, angels are secretly watching while you do messed-up stuff.
2. There’s a small problem with this game — though identities are meant to be secret, it will be obvious the moment I take my usual purple pen and write something. Then where’s the fun when the enigma isn’t there anymore? But nevermind, I have a Cunning Plan — gremlin can play Secretary, heh. But still, can’t cover up Train of Thought and idiosyncracies. Unless, I do something to throw people off track, in which case, its hard to play against the instinct of others ><
3. In case my angel is reading this (like a mystey stalker), i’d like to have edible gifts kthxpls. Or maybeee not, I don’t know, deep down inside, I-
4. Oh yeah shit, need to get a present, hasslesome. It’s never been my thing to get presents. Not because of the cost, because of the lack of ideas. This is not going to be easy. Its about as hard as expressing thoughts on paper imho. (which is why I find the card-exercise in class SO DAMN HARD) Not that I’m thoughtless, as I always stress, it just doesn’t come out easily in words. (especially if you have to write it for 24 people, it becomes like report book comments after a while!)
Somewhat, I pity whoever who got me as angel, might be getting less fun and class-service/gift. I don’t know.
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