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December is a good month for reflection at the end of the year, but when you’re at work killing time waiting for the clock to hit 5, its always a good time for reflection — and i was thinking to myself just a few weeks back: what major fears/weaknesses do i have?
Probably math, but hah…i don’t think i’ll have to touch much of it for the rest of my life.
Or so I thought.
but its probably a self reinforcing psychological barrier that can be corrected.
“Progress is not created by contented people” – Frank Tyger.
screw you la.
I dunno why people keep telling me that “when god closes a door, he opens others” or something along those lines. i’m not even sure how biblical that statement is. (and yet again i have grown spiritually once more)
but i dunno why they tell me that — i actually know there are other doors open.
just that they are further away and potentially a lot of mafan. if i had it my way, i’d quickly go rest, stagnate, get comfortable and just nua. just gimme the least troublesome one! It is the contented person that says ‘who needs progress!’
but its no matter anymore, significant parts of my mindset has changed over the past few months. it’s as though i won’t just settle for “whatever is handiest” or to take the nearest door. i dare to aim, i dare to fall and fail, dare to rise again and go forth for something beyond my imagination. something in me had been set alight since a few months ago and everything been moving in that direction.
and now i have crossed the rubicon…or less poetically, i have gotten out of bed.
The difference between the history and literature brain is very simple.
The historian deals with real facts, or at least has a better head to deal with one.
The historian has his feet on the ground and his head on his neck. Neither the ground nor his head is plucked out from an imaginary fantasy.
The historian would not over-read, over-interpret and over-react to the above three lines but will calmly, composedly and rationally treat it as food for thought.
Epic Miscommunication 1: “I’ll wait for you outside Soo Kee Jewellery (because jewellery are shiny, sparkly and nice to wait by)”
This was when I was still at the armour cam and it was near to the naval base as well. Turned out that Jurong Point had TWO soo kee jewellery shops… i mean, not as if i even see one of the soo kee jewellery shops being that crowded. why the heck is there a need for two? given uber laziness, it took 15-20 minutes for both to realise that “i’m here” meant different things.
I recall I was on off that day for doing OT a few days back. I was still bitter at the non-concession price BEFORE the distance fare price hike. Not wanting to waste money, that was a day I walked from home to there. I recall wearing my faded purple shirt.
Epic Miscommunication 2: Meeting at dhoby ghaut — “i’m on level 6″
This was to watch Chen Zhen at dhoby ghaut. Stemming from a ‘i got discount for movie’ message, i assumed that discount = safra = cathay, ergo dhoby = cathay. Turned out that discount meant some gv voucher, ergo dhoby = ps. Didn’t help that the level 6s were both cinema levels. I recall wearing jeans that day and it was a day after a freak bus accident elsewhere. I recall going to orchard later, killing time at kino where i had a lense drop out onto the ground >< before going to cedele for some sweet goodies.
Epic Miscommunication 3: more recent hence more detailed in exchange. memory clearer
“Tmr brunch? Today a bit tricky” (i thought that means: no today)
“you can’t do afternoon ah. i think tmr i sleeping in” (i think this sounded like it meant: no tmr, meaning afternoon today)
“how about 3. mum wants to skype before that” (i meant 3 tmr since the first message said today tricky. i think it could have meant 3 today cos i said tmr sleeping in….personally i think its impossible to sleep in till 3, but prob not the case for some people ><)
“ya. your mum skypes you every day is it” (i was under the impression that there will be skyping both today and tmr)
“every now and then. today is cos of christmas” (i thought this meant an indirect way of saying, ya im getting skyped both today and tmr)
…..lucky i didn’t give place to meet. i slept through the afternoon -_-
****
i think from henceforth the title keyword of ‘parallel’ should be given (a bit like ‘coincidence’ except that this is like poor coincidences in the opposite direction). coincidence implies a meeting point. parallel is a bit more like a debate parallel case — same motion, different definition.
She’s a hard woman to please
And I thought about letting her know
She’s a hard lady to leave
and I thought about letting her go
She’s a tough lady to leave
But, I thought about it
She’s a hard lady to please, yes she is
I gave her laughter, she wanted diamonds
I was romantic, she treated my cruelly
Where is the mercy, where is the love?
You see, passion has a funny way
Of burning down and running low
And suddenly it goes out
And you wonder where does it go
She’s a hard woman to please
I’ve thought about letting her know
She’s a hard lady to leave, yes she is
I gave her laughter, she wanted diamonds
She was unfaithful, treated me cruelly
Where is the mercy, where is the love?
I’m alone at last; something inside of me knows
I could have loved in vain
For a thousand years
I have to let her go
I’ve got to let her go
I’ve got to say goodbye
How can I say goodbye to my baby?
She’s a tough cookie, hard lady
I’ve got to say goodbye
Alone at last and something inside of me knows
I could have loved in vain for a thousand years
I have to let her go
And time goes so fast and new love starts so slow
I could have loved in vain for a thousand years
I have to let her go
I’ve got to let her go
I’ve got to say goodbye
Hard woman to please, yes you are
Hard woman,tough lady,
I’ve got to, I’ve got to say goodbye.
How can I say goodbye to my baby?
How can I say goodbye to my baby?
So long honey.
I like the jazz version better though BUT YOUTUBE REMOVED IT, LIKE JUST.
The Quiet World
In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.
When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.
Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.
When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.
Jeffrey McDaniel
****
comment: SHES A WOMAN. of course she used up all her words -_-
on a rather separate note (with telephone being the only commonality), has anyone tried making proper conversation over the phone, when your phone is too chui to hear eight in ten words?
so you have to pick up on the tone of voice and whatever few words you can make out, add to what you speculate is the average generic response to what you just said – and then carry on from there ><
i’ve seen it done in a show before. the action hero uses a video of himself with perfectly timed and anticipated “video-call” conversation to lie about his location.
but i guess it went fine. i hope my phone isnt getting from bad to worse.
i have this very strong inklings of late, with no reason:
I will get that which I (and many who have tried in vain) want.
But I will lose that which I very much value, already have and want to continue with (and probably not many others want as much =x definitely not as in demand as the thing i feel i’ll get).
Most people will feel more confident about the other and more fearful for the other, if they were in my shoes — but i’m not most people, i do everything in reverse.
- such is my pseudo-’woman instinct’ (with no real reason or explanation). But someone else with extra woman instinct reassures me that both will be fine. It’s no zero sum game.
Pressure is essential for rousing the full potential of the human spirit and generating momentum for what otherwise would have been latent and untapped. Especially for lazy people.
Even more so when there are multiple fronts. A two front war tends to be extremely deleterious, unless the other fronts are merely small and easily overcome.
It is different from stress though. Pressure generates a more than proportionate greater force in the opposing direction. Stress is a bit more like squeezing the hose in trying to get more water out.
Someone was sharing a bit about Law in London: how it is the duty of the lawyer to protect and defend people who deserve to be punished even though their in the wrong. This is the general perception for Criminal Law, however he went on to point out that this applies for Contract Law as well where the lawyer still has the duty to defend the bastard who took/is taking advantage of another.
In my head I was like “woahh awesome. sounds like great fun, all the room to do all these sneaky cunning things. it’ll probably entertain me. too bad i’m a bit locked to do lawyering.”
Then he went on to say how he thought it was 1) immoral, 2) a christian struggle and 3) he is actually considering not becoming a lawyer. (honestly, i don’t believe point 3 — money > everything, for most people at least)
Oh whoops ><
Of course in these situations, it is vital that i remind myself with my “internal opposition” that there are good reasons as to why i’m not looking at law. 1) crazy studying (which i actually have no issues with), 2) crazy workload + work hours (which i actually CAN manage, objectively speaking), 3) high divorce rates. 4) arguably the most compelling, everyone -and by that i mean all sorts of random people- wants to do it…money la of course, maybe pride also.
Not that I’ve anything against those — i love money and pride also (actually love is a bit of a strong word). i just love other things more — like women, ABSOLUTEpower amusement and uh, lazing in bed.
(someone once pointed out to me that the three are not mutually exclusive. Another told me that money is needed for those — i told him that HE needs money for those.)
I heard the sound of something important disappearing. and it didn’t go out with a pop – but a BOOM
Izzy recommended me to go watch Confessions and said it was something I probably would enjoy. So i did on my day of leave. I was quite impressed.
The parallels are worth noting. Boy A and B kill the teacher’s child. Boy B’s mother tries to kill Boy B. Boy B kills his mum. Boy A unintentionally blows his mum up.
While the film involves this woman teacher trying to mindgame her students into killing each other for revenge, she’s actually the most sane. The rest are more WTF. Because the entire movie is about WTF, the WTF-points for each character will effectively sum up the whole movie.
Boy A: who the hell commits murder to attract the attention of his mother? Also, isn’t it a bit extreme to blow up the entire school just cos your mom remarried? In addition, who the hell smashes the head of the only character that sympathises AND THEN PUT HER IN A FRIDGE. Award: Character with the most serious issues.
Boy B: who the hell throws a small girl into the pool just to achieve some thing that the greater Boy A couldn’t achieve? also, how does not brushing your teeth or bathing for half a year make you feel anymore alive? Award: Most angsty character. Screaming all day is normal, but what’s with smearing hiv blood all over the grocery.
Mother of Boy B: Okay fine, your only son is eccentric now, screams and refuses to cut his hair. He’s a murderer too. But how’s that any reason to kill him. Award: Most Creepy Character — i was expecting her to hunt down the woman teacher to her house and slice off her head.
Class monitoress: He’s a psychopath and you’re going out with him?!?!
The new class teacher: actually nothing wtf with him. just a bit stupid in a determined and idealistic way, in the manner of naruto. Looks as though he came out of a J-pop boy band rather than a teacher. Award: stupidest character.
The class as a whole: Bunch of sadists seeking revenge on the two boys who killed their teacher’s daughter, with an actual method of keeping score. Most cunning is sending a note to their friend who has been missing for the past year a card that has KILLER hidden in the writings.
Compared to the above, a woman teacher who lied about injecting HIV infected blood into the milk of the two students counts as quite mild. She deserves credit for her cunningness in sending Boy A’s bomb to his mom’s doorstep. The puzzling part is: how did she know that the class monitoress has been killed… Plot hole i guess.
Overall, very craftily pieced together with a mind blowing effect. I only have one thing to say: it has to be Japanese.
As expected, reason was unable to trump routine tradition and authority. In other words, they didn’t buy my bullshit and insisted on a law referral anyway.
I’d be very angry to just drop the issue — angry to guai guai listen to them and accede to their requests, but also angry to just drop out like this (even though i don’t care by now). angry is a bit of a strong word actually. i have been using it quite often in a diluted manner.
my solution? i’ll probably attempt to persuade a tutor to send two sentences for me. i mean it literally.
“He is an intelligent and brilliant student. what he has learnt in public law will put him in good stead for a course in politics and history.”
after all, they merely requested for a referral and who was to write it. they didn’t specify its length nor what was to be in it.
above all, it proves my point that references are generic and add nothing to the picture. (all of this just cos i dgas by now) Then to see how they react to this. heh. Not to mention, i would feel bad if i wasted my teachers’ time and effort.
the extents i’ll go to just to prove a point (cos it keeps me entertained). I am __, I do whatever the hell I want.
***
now how to persuade my teacher to do so -_-
NICE IDEA: STATE THERES A WORD LIMIT OF…..
“Oh? She’s your girlfriend? I’m terribly sorry — i really thought she was your ugly stepsister!
…what? at least I don’t think you’re genetically related!”
.
.
.
what– was i supposed to be polite?
previously i managed to clear up the outsides of my room. its the insides that have a lot of fixing to do.
Reforms and Rearrangments
i’m quite pleased with how i have reshuffled various parts of my room around. i started with magically making the piles of books and paper on my table disappear. i cleared out shelf A, moved things from shelf B unto A. moved things from C unto B. moved things from D unto C. then move things from big box on the ground to D.
Following which, i moved things from shelf E to C and F which I just shifted to some other part of the room. Then i moved my larder of tea and food into E.
If you still can follow up to this point, you’re either a store personnel or you’re quite good with the rubiks cube.
My larder space still retains the tea pot and a few more commonly used teas. But with the remaining three quarters: i have converted into a mini altar of sentimental items.
The mini-altar
Roughly from memory — on the right is a (1) wooden mini chime thing that can play a piano tune if you wind it enough. On that is (2) a small japanese bell from Mt Fuji and (3) a silvery flat stone that says ZEN. Beneath the wooden instrument is an (4) accumulation of past cards i have received. (They’re the more trivial ones, really. the important ones are elsewhere.)
Beside the wooden piano thingum (i still have no idea what its called), is this (5) wooden man figurine supposedly in a yoga position. On the head of the man, is this (6) ring that has a turnable outer layer.
Beside the wooden figurine, is a (7) mini green centurion helmet, which is actually quite heavy and sonorous. Hidden underneath the centurion helmet is (7) a crystal ball that tends to roll around a lot and can still be seen through the visor of the helmet.
In front of all those are (8) fool’s gold, (9) a layered rock – is it called sedimentary? and (10) a bottle of dunnowhat from germany – i dunno, i just found it wrapped (unglamly) under newspaper. i got it around half a year ago >< Arguably the bottle goes more with the larder side (almost there anyway) than the altar side. After all, i am going to drink it soon. just not yet.
And finally, in front of all the stones are: (11) a card with the picture of the berlin wall straight from germany – the interesting part is that it actually carries a mini fragment of the berlin wall! (12) a postcard of stalin, straight from russia and (13) a postcard that says no unsacred places on the back. i dont quite know what the photo is about, but it is quite nice and came with the fool’s gold.
oh and i almost forgot the biggest stone between the fool’s gold and sedimentary stone (14) a stone which writes “I am the light of the world. He that follows me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life”
my younger brother has noticed that the purple stone that i have taken a fond liking for isn’t there anymore. it bewilders him a bit. (Incidentally my two siblings really don’t dare to touch it cos i told them it has spirits -_-). i actually carry it around with me.
i’m quite proud of my mini altar. it carries a lot of sentimental (and historical) value. it does look a bit like some summoning circle though >< i wonder where all these got imprinted unto my subconscious mind =x
What is left to be done:
The parts remaining are: my very important CV section, which happens to be this giant pile now. I have too much evidently =P More abysmally would be the “basement/attic” sections of my room — whenever i dunno where to chuck it and its useless, it just goes there. there could well be a boogeyman or corpse down there for all i know.
Because it is monday tomorrow:
i still maintain that logistics is more useful (and slack) than officer — we don’t fight imaginary enemy, we do real work. It’s that paradox that i’m characterised by: slacking more but doing more real work. (and proud of it of course. there is useful effort and there is useless effort)
….except that while i was packing my room on a sunday night, i felt like i was at work the next day already -_- but who cares, it feels good to have a neat room.
- but i amaze myself by not having taken up any hedonistic indulgence so far. on the contrary!
haven’t touched a drop of alcohol, surprisingly (among other things) — apart from (a bit gay) wet wipes on my hands.
been getting a lot of sun and exercise — but only as much as my leg can handle. my hyper recover rate is quite insane in more ways than one.
have been putting in time and effort to making my room spick and span. its important to have peaceful, non-chaotic surroundings. after all, the outside is a reflection of the inside.
in place of sleeping a lot, i now have the perseverance to sleep late and wake early. the process of fighting the urge to sleep is rather interesting. the semi dreamy surreal state of half-awakeness (that i haven’t had for a long while) is even more so.
and i have no more warm water when i shower — that one is beyond my control though -_- picture a cold rainy 6am morning in the shower ><
soon i shall get back to attempting to COVER THE SYLLABUS BEFORE THE YEAR ENDS. NOTHING CAN STOP ME. ….but after this weekend ^^
oh but i have been eating a lot of good food! ….as always. except that now its almost as if i spend on others as much as i do on myself.
my take on the grand vices has been quite consistent:
greed is good, gluttony is better, sloth is best. in exchange, whatever i lack in the other four vices, i compensate in these three. its quite fair.
Dear Sir/Madam,
I apologise for the late reply as I have been involved in a military exercise for the past week. Thank you for considering my application. However in the interest of not adversely affecting the selection process, I am sorry that it is highly unlikely that I will be able to provide the requested referral. Nor do I believe that a referral from a law tutor will shed any insight on my abilities as a candidate.
Perhaps a referral would be helpful in most occasions. However in my case, there has been insufficient contact time with the tutors that would allow them to make a good judgement. I am currently enlisted in the army; the classes that I attend are part-time and occasional. Furthermore, the nature of the classes are such that they are lectures given to a large class, with little interaction from the students.
Given that I only started class three months ago, there have been barely any written assignments. The brief time-frame hence makes it unlikely that any one of my law tutors will be able to contribute anything meaningful apart from a generic referral.
If necessary, I wish to be evaluated as a candidate without the law diploma — with consideration based solely on my achievements as an IB student, my personal statement and referral from my History teacher.
However, I must emphasise that I have learnt many valuable lessons from a foundational degree in law, such as the mechanisms of the English political and legal system. Not many students outside the UK have a foundational knowledge about the nature of the English constitution. In addition, I have gained invaluable independent learning skills, having to cover a large amount of material with only frequent lessons, while juggling military work in the day time. The lessons that I have learnt from law are more valuable than my performance in class.
I sincerely hope that you will still consider my application without a referral from a law tutor. It will be appreciated if you could let me know how you feel about the above matter.
Regards
****
this is what happens when you secured other things already and you’re lazy. lol, i sniggered quite a bit throughout the whole thing.
Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself.
Intrigued he asked: “Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?”
“No your Highness,” he replied, “but my father was.“
*****
as you can see i’m preparing for history now.
I support the looting of artifacts from other countries. Looters tend to preserve artifacts better than the owners who tend to take them for granted. It is a good thing.
Based on track record, Chinese (or Manchu??? Do we consider Han culture and history to be the same as manchu?) antiquities are better kept in the hands of the British, who looted the Summer Palace, than their own hands.
With so many overlaps of cultural roots, perhaps historical treasures don’t belong to any single ‘nation’ (if you could get down to defining it) — it belongs to…i’ve no idea who actually.
I suppose its for all to see.
Sometimes its takes a gullible little idiot to bring you back to the ground, restore your sanity and prevent you from foolishly destroying everything you had, have and will have from the inside out with some abstract mist — for now.
It almost seems as though that breaking of my imagination set everything back in place and events going back uphill. A bit like a narrative story.
***
they say that antidotes are found closest to the poisons.
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