A: “I huf furworded you the articurl”
B: ” Vely gut”
A: “Wut if wu went on tixteng like theese? Du yu tink wu wold git smutter”
B: “Aye, muu bwain wud dai” (Note: I think he means bwane)
A: “Maibae wu wol jazz bikum bad at spewleeeng — und tax like ahliens”
B: “Lyk ze ahllianz”
A: “Yupz. Shod rite an asseh in this fom”
B: “Wud dee uh orriburl def”
A: “Ow dust ottokurict not ottokurict yur jambles? (Ottokurict actually looks german)”
A: ” *juhmurn”
B: “I haz deesabuld ottokurict”
A: “Ow smut oaf yu. Aneeweh tiaow muu wut yu tink oaf ze satan articurl wen yu rid it.”
B: “Ontrustin urticurl”
A: “Yu shod bi ristin. Esp sins yer sik.”
B: “In uh but, yis”
B: “Slip. Gud nit”
A: “K gud nit tu yu. Git woll soon”
B: “Dank u”
A: “Eef tiz gos un – wu wold haf a cod tu wutsapp in”
I ask again: Du yu tink wu wold git smutter if wu went on tixteng lik tis.
I’m quite sure that if I even attempted to start texting like this to some people, I will die a horrible death.
And it seems like the more prim and proper (read: pretentiously particular) a person I text, the more likely that I will “army text” the person.